It’s hard to know why one says yes and gets married but most of us do it. It’s what society expects and what girl doesn’t want a wedding day. So there you are marching down the aisle on your dad’s loving arm to be presented to the groom smirking with nervousness at the altar. My, you look good, the gathering comprises all your family members and friends and the words of magic are said and bingo. You are now husband and wife.
The problem is the girl doesn’t really know what is in store for her. At first everything is lovey dovey. There are just the two of you in your little love nest and then something happens. You start to feel squeamish and next thing you are chucking up. Wow, the doctor confirms you are pregnant. What! Already, you think to yourself.
Of course your mate is overjoyed, or at least he appears to be. But now comes the hard bit. Up to this point you were working and both of you had an income. Now, you have to stop work and what he gives you is a pittance, if anything. Hey! This is not how it is supposed to be. Our mother comes to the rescue and provides meals and so on to help you out.
You question what is going on. Why isn’t he providing for you? It’s obvious that you have to produce your own income. You can’t leave him now, but things are not working out. He is staying out, sometimes till the early hours of the morning. You ask him where he’s been and he tells you he was working back or at the boss’s house.
Things drag on and go from bad to worse. Finally, the day arrives when you go into labour. The hours drag on as you go through hell. Beside you there is a cupboard and lines up on top are a row of shining metal instruments. You eye them and shudder. Are they going to be used on me, you wonder as the next contraction starts and you breathe heavily into the mask?
Of course, your mate is with you for most of the day until he ducks off to get lunch. You can’t eat although its past midday and you have had nothing, not even a glass of water, since 7 O’clock the night before. They give you some ice to suck but you can’t swallow it.
Finally, the doctor arrives and the baby is born. The pain of his arrival makes you scream and you are embarrassed. Then you find out that the doctor had to cut you to let his head out. It is one hell of a moment. You briefly see your son before they whizz him off in an incubator because he is so small.
Then the mate disappears. He is off to a party to celebrate. You are taken back to a ward to be visited by your parents while you wonder why on earth you ever got married. Next day you walk around the two floors of the hospital with your stitches pulling on you to find your baby. No one has told you anything about him.
There he is! You know him instantly and he is screaming his head off. When he grows up and becomes a man he starts to blame you for the divorce. What happened to make me do such a thing, he asks because he wasn’t aware of the problems? After all he has never seen his father dish out the treatment that you went through while raising him? He doesn’t know how hard you worked to send him to a private school. Or how you got beaten when the mate came home drunk and you covered over your black eyes the next day, Christmas Day.
This is a story too many mothers have to tell and its hard. But once the divorce is over you are free. Who said you can’t make it on your own, after all that’s what you have been doing all along. But now you don’t have the free-loader taking everything and giving nothing back.
Divorce is nasty, messy, and painful because you genuinely gave your all. The problem is you were married to the wind and sometimes it blew your way and at others it was a gale aimed in the wrong direction. Marriage is a mistake for many people and divorce is a great release.